Wrench to the Helm!
by Ninja School Dropout
Summary: Implied character death. After Ratchet's offlinement he leave precise directions that are not ignored. Parody Crack fic.


**A/N: I am very sorry about this. I'm half asleep, and I randomly said boot to the head, which led me to wrench to the head, which led me to reasons why Ratchet would do this.**

* * *

The small group of Autobots gathered around Prowl as he held up a data pad. "As the Autobot second in command I will now read Ratchet's last will and testament."

"Can we get this over with? The parties are about to start, and I want free high grade." Sunstreaker mumbled from his place in the rec room, sitting upon a chair.

Bluestreak sat on the giant couch crying next to Smokescreen. "WAAHHHH! Why did it have to be Ratchet! He was such a good medic, and he was nice, and loving, and took care of us!"

"Calm down, Blue. It's ok." Smokescreen comforted him by rubbing his back.

"This is sooo boring, Prowl!" Sideswipe yelled, over dramatically falling onto the giant couch.

"I never worked for a nicer Bot." First aid smiled, dobbing his optics with a giant hankie.

"If you guys would kindly sit down and shut up I will start reading the will." Prowl growled. "I, Ratchet, being of sound processor, and frame-"

"Hah! Ratchet? Sound?" Sunstreaker laughed hitting his knee joint.

"-Do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly emotional patient, Bluestreak-"

"WAAAHHHH!"

"Bluestreak, He is talking about you." Smokescreen silenced Bluestreak.

"Oh."

"Who grubbed with his sire Smokescreen. Grubbed for everything they could get from me then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy…"

"What?" Bluestreak questioned.

"To Bluestreak, I leave, a wrench to head."

"HUH?" Prowl smiled as a wrench came flying from behind him and pegged Bluestreak in the helm.

"OW!"

"Blue, are you ok?"

"And another wrench to his gambling sire, Smokescreen." Another wrench went flying into smokescreen's helm.

"Ow!"

Sunstreaker started laughing.

"Ah, but still you are my patient. You have both admired my wrenches, and since I no longer need them…"

"Oh Ratchet is too kind." Bluestreak smiled.

"I decreath another wrench to head!"

"WHAT! OWWW!"

"And one more for the gambling sire!"

"OW!"

Sunstreaker started laughing again, holding up a cube of high grade.

"Next, to the pain in my aft, Sunstreaker."

"I don't want any wrench to the head." Sunstreaker held his servos up.

"To dear, Sunstreaker, who has never worked a day in his overcharged life."

"Covering my helm!"

"I leave all my high grade."

"Really?" Sunstreaker sat down on a chair nodding his helm. "Cool!"

"And a wrench to the helm!" A wrench flew over Prowl and pegged Sunstreaker right in the forehead.

"My paint!"

"And another for Blue and the gambler!"

"Ow!"

"Frag it!"

"Next, to my dear prankster patient, Sideswipe."

"This is very predictable." Sideswipe sighed rubbing his helm.

"I leave a wrench to the head!"

"Ow!"

"And one for Blue, and the Gambler!"

"OWWWW!"

"Stop it!"

"This takes care of close friends obligations, and now to First Aid."

"Oh, I don't want anything." First Aid started backing up.

"Who took care of me when I was over stressed for many many years."

"I didn't mind." First aid rubbed the back of his helm.

"To First Aid I decreath, a Wrench to the head." A rather large wrench flew and hit First Aid right in the back of the helm.

"Ouch!"

"And one for Blue and the gambler!"

"No! OW!"

"Stop! It hurts!"

"And so, to my cyberkitten, wrench, I leave my entire, vast, Wrench to the helm."

"MREOW!"

"And finally to Prowl, who helped me with this will. I leave not a wrench to the helm, but a rabid…turbo…fox to be placed in a box on… his helm!"

Optimus walked up behind Prowl, and stuck a box over his head. "AAHHHHH FRAG IT MAKE IT STOP!" He began running around screaming and yelling. "AND I LEAVE MY ENTIRE FORTUNE TO THE IACON SO THEY CAN AFFORD TO MOVE SOMEWHERE DECENT!"

Prowl finally got the box off of his head. "That's it?" Sideswipe asked.

"That's all?"

"This is a disgrace!" Sunstreaker yelled.

"There is one more thing for everyone." Prowl started rubbing his helm.

"cover your helms everyone." Sunstreaker mumbled.

"I leave to everyone, a lifetime supply of icecream."

"What flavor?" First Aid asked.

"Wrench to the head."

"OW!"

"WHY?"

"OWWW"

"OUCH!"

"FRAG!"


End file.
